Patents celebrate the human feel of design , and new patent of invention are a perpetual root of breathing in . But sometimes you come across some patent of invention that seem a piddling … evil . Here are nine real - life history patents that will make you despair about the human wash .
Top paradigm : US Patent and Trade Office
1)Your Social Media Doppelgänger
Yeah , we get it on , it ’s hard to keep up with all your different social mediachannels , you pop little snowflake . But you do , because nobodyinstagrams a sandwich or live - tweets a peaceful - aggressive couple’sargument just quite the way you do — well , nobody , exceptthis new patent softwarefrom Google .
Firstit watches you . Then it learns . Then , as far as your electronic internet areconcerned , it becomes you . It is essentially the plot to TheTalented Mr. Ripley — except that Matt Damon has been re - plaster cast as analgorithm and , rather of row you out on a dory to the middle ofa lake to murder you , he mostly just desire to be the first one onFacebook to bid you a happpppy birrrrthday!!!!1!1 ! !
Still , this one is unsettling not just in the here and now , but in thelong - image . motion-picture show , long after we ’re all gone , after the concretehas been cracked through by the grow tree , after the coastlineshave break away into the sea , after the shopping mall have beenreclaimed by the crows and squirrels , only one sound remains : theping of millions of little us - bot poke each other on Facebook .
Image : US Patent and Trade Office
2)The disturbance - dampening , lie - discover pharynx tattoo
Youknow what ’s annoying ? All the backcloth noise on the other end ofthe line when you ’re try on to talk on the headphone . Sure , you couldjustgo regain a quieter spotlight to blab in , or you could taste this noise - weaken electronic pharynx tattoo patent by Google for Motorola . That ’s a normal , stylish thing to have on your neck , right ? Kind oflike a necklace — only plant on your pelt , and with the power tosteal interpreter .
It does seem kind of one promissory note , though … maybe if it hadsome other function . Fortunately , Motorola is right smart ahead of us . The tattoo can also usegalvanic skin responses to tellwhen youare lie . Handy .
paradigm : Carnegie Mellon University
3)The long - space squeeze
Forthose of us with enjoy ace spread around the world , keep in touchlong - distance has never been easy . Video chatting , whether atyour computer or just on your smartphone , is no further out than thetouch of a button . Still , sometimes , Microsoft wants you to know , word just are n’t enough . No , sometimes the only way toreally say you care is with an animatronic hugsent directly from onetele - link pillow to another . Of course , it ’s not just forhugs , Microsoft also suggests that you may want to make your businesscolleagues and acquaintances vaguely discomforted , with along - distance handclasp .
4)In the future tense , the TV take in you
Verizonpatented this advertiser - friendly engineering that conflate a seriesof sound recording and visual sensing element so that , while you watch out TV , the idiot box can alsowatch you back and then send out you tailored ads . So , just what conduct will Verizon be looking for?According to the patent , it could be anything from “ eating , exercising , laughing , reading , sleep , talking , telling , humming , cleaning , and playing a melodic legal instrument . ” And , in theinterests of mathematical group togetherness , it ’s not just you they ’re worriedabout — but also , just how well you work and play with those nearest anddearest to you . The detector will also be on the looking at out for“cuddling , fight , participating in a game or sporting consequence , and talk . ”
5)Uh , Motivational Tactics ?
Somecompanies care to motivate employees with the promise of bonuses . Others employ perquisite and holiday time . What they ca n’t utilise , though , is a yoke - web of receptive answer monitors to measure the rise andfall of tenseness level — because Microsoft has the patent on that one .
Accordingto the patent , alittle ominously titled Monitoring Group Activities , the system would “ automaticallydetect frustration or tenseness in the exploiter via physiological andenvironmental sensors and then offer or cater some type ofassistance consequently . ” Just whatsort of sensing element ? A whole lot , apparently : “ Sensorscan monitor the user ’s heart charge per unit , pedigree pressure , organic structure temperature , galvanic hide response , EMG , brain signal , respiration pace , front , facial cause , facial expressions , etc . ”
Of course , the patent of invention does also leave room for another itinerary , beyond these sensors:“Alternatively , Joe can expressly request assistance . ”
6)No , this , ishow much you ’re annoying your officemate
So , that last letters patent was probably not great for team spirit . Nope , probablytime to see about doing something to pick up things back up around theold water tank , like some superfluous holiday years , or a fancy newcoffee machine , or perhaps just a jumbo database of all the way inwhich you – yes , you personally — are annoying your cobalt - worker .
Apatentfiled by Microsoft in 2010proposed a system to analyzedigital communications — everything from video recording conferencing toemails to IM — between employee for behavior , gesture , ways ofcommunicating , even habiliment , that have been pre - flagged asbothersome . What would happen to the information next ? It would be crunchedto finally give a precise mathematical time value to the question of just howannoying your co - doer find you .
7)But , how did the ad make you feel ?
Oh , sure , you could trytotell your friends that those commercials where one polar bear sharesa Coke with another polar bear do n’t move you atall – but your Google head - mounted - gaze - trailing - machine make out well . Your Google head - mounted - gaze - tracking - gimmick knows all .
- Your idiot box regrets to inform you that you have too many Edgar Albert Guest to watch this movie .
Just what is the futurity of media?Is it a roll - over to exclusively streaming picture ? The ascent of the PC asTV ? Or is it corporations monitoring the precise number of peoplewatching a show , so that it can fine us for exceeding the licensingagreement for permit number of views ? If it ’s the last one , Microsofthas the patent .
From the letters patent : “ Thelimitation may comprise a number of substance abuser views , a number of userviews over time , a number of coincident substance abuser views , view connect touser identities , views limited to drug user age or any edition orcombination thence , all tied to the number of actual contentconsumers tolerate to look at the content . consumer are presented with acontent excerption and a choice of licenses allowing consumption ofthe content . In one embodiment , a license managing director on the consumingdevice or on a capacity providers organization manages license custom andcontent consumption . The user consuming the content on a displaydevice are monitored so that if the figure of user - eyeshot license isexceeded , therapeutic action may be take . ”
9)The Controller is You
Thislaughter sensing technical school waspatented by Sony in 2011for either use inits Playstation or to layer into a remote restraint . Not only does itknow when you ’re laughing , but it also holds on to the data point , to get afuller moving-picture show of just where you gibe in with your demographiccounterparts . But in this case , it ’s the picture that really sellsthis one . stop out the artist ’s conception above that was includedas part of the letters patent and then ask yourself , is this not the mostterrifying of all possiblefutures ?
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